The Rough Guide to Sealand

You, my good friend have decided to visit Sealand! An excellent choice of destination, if I might congratulate you. Did you know that Sealand is the only country in the world whose name is not yet in the dictionary? The inhabitants will enthral you with more fascinating trivia on your trip. Yet another good reason to visit this fabulous country.

The basics:
Sealand consists of a 550 metres squared block of concrete off the coast of Suffolk. The entire nation can be seen in one, non-satellite photograph. We Sealanders enjoy being unique in such ways as this. The whole nation also has a single facebook account!

Before you arrive, it is crucial to understand that Sealand is a fully independent country. We are not ruled by Britain, Germany, or anyone else for that matter. Those bastards at the UN may not want to recognise us, but that’s irrelevant! Because, my international friends, 668 people on facebook do! So there! Primary industries on Sealand are… uh… fishing. And… we did have a big data corporation at one point. Oh and tourism, of course! You, valued visitor, are certainly not alone in making a trip to our humble Principality! At last count, we had a very impressive total of six holidaymakers enjoying themselves here! As you can see, our tourism trade is booming. But don’t worry, I’m sure we can squeeze you into our schedule.

Things to do in Sealand:
Ah-ha-hah! Now we get to the good part! The dumbfounding part! The part that, when you read, will undoubtedly make your mind up for you! When you see the endless list of fun activities available in Sealand, you are very likely to hop on a plane and book a flight to out international airport immediately!
…okay, so we don’t have an international airport. You’ll have to make do with Norwich. But that’s not the point!

So, yes. What can you do in Sealand? My good friend, it would be far quicker to list the things you can’t do in Sealand! So then… you can’t sunbathe. It’s generally overcast here. And you won’t be able to go on any shopping trips, as we don’t have any major malls handy. As Sealand only has 550 square metres of space, that kind of rules out hiking. If you’re looking for sport, we do have a bike ramp! A big one! …but no, no football stadiums yet. Or any other sort of stadium.

But you can do basically anything else! If you want to sightsee, why not take a moment or two out of your busy, busy holiday to admire our flag? It’s the only one of it’s kind. Watch it flutter in that breeze- yeah. Now that’s entertainment. Or you could look at the sea. It’s calm, blue waters will make you feel right at home. Okay, okay, so it’s normally grey and stormy. But you could still watch it. Its probably fun to observe... somehow. If it’s not too cloudy, you could even make out the coast of Suffolk! Bet you’re excited now!
If you’re feeling really adventurous, you could climb up onto the top of the main (okay, the only) building. Up on the roof, you’d have a spectacular view of… more sea. But it’s still a view, people!

Contexts:
Did I mention how big Sealand is on sports? The answer is, very. Despite only having four inhabitants, we somehow have full soccer and airsoft teams! Now that’s an achievement! And yes, thank you, we’d noticed that our airsoft team is called Sheffield Air Response Team, but that doesn’t matter. They fly our flag, so they play for us. And that’s that.

In order to send mail to Sealand, use some P.O. box in the UK. We’re not sure what number it is, or if they even put it up like they promised they would. Just look through wherever it is the P.O. boxes are and try to find one decorated with Sealand flags. That’s the best we can do. Sorry.

If You’re Not Convinced Yet…
Then don’t worry, there’s still a lot more to tell you! For example, did you know that- hey, don’t go! Wait! WAIIIIT! Okay, so you have to be somewhere. That’s fine- I’ll email you with further details! What’s you’re address? No, don’t ignore me! I won’t spam you, I promise! Visit Sealand! Pleeeease! Visit us! We’re so loneeeelyy…
Oh, bugger.

So much for making ten tourists by the end of this month.